These Days

Eight months. You count the time after losing your spouse in days, weeks, months, and eventually years. 

Certain dates will never be forgotten. Dave's birthday, the date he passed, Father's Day, our anniversary. Friday is our anniversary; it would have been 38 years. The kids and I will celebrate by sitting on the deck, sharing memories and maybe having a glass of wine. 

People say I am looking younger these days. I attribute that to being retired and having less stress. Not being sleep deprived from having to get up at the butt-crack of dawn is almost as good as getting a facelift.

I've lost weight. My appetite has decreased since Dave passed. I avoid grocery shopping and do meal service deliveries instead. (I found going to a grocery store is a universal trigger amongst widows. (The first time I went to Aldis and saw Dave's favorite snacks on the shelves I had a meltdown and left crying.) 

Exercising helps me to get out of my head. Better than sitting in my grief and watching mindless Youtube videos like I was doing the first months.

I finally retired my trusty granny bike and bought a really nice Trek bike good for distance and the surrounding hills. I also started running again. Silly, but I signed up to do the Corn on the Cob 5K which happens in two weeks. I've only been running for the last four days.

People also tell me I look happy. I am experiencing happiness, even in the midst of the days of grief. Like other widowers have told me, the grief of losing your life partner will always be there, but you learn to live with it.

I am learning to be happy again.