A New Chapter

After I retired, my time was spent helping and being Dave's companion. After Dave was gone, my days were intensely lonely and empty. The silence was deafening.

To distract myself, I tried to get something on the calendar every day. Often it was going out for coffee with kind people who reached out to help me through that horrible time.

One friend was Mark. We had known each other for almost 20 years. I worked at the blood bank in the platelet area. Mark has the highest number of blood donations at Mayo so I saw him frequently.

Because platelets can be given every eight days, faithful donors become like family to the techs who take their collections at the blood bank. That was the relationship I had with Mark and his best friend, Dave Johnson (who was right behind him in the number of blood donations). We had a unique bond in sharing a strong faith.

One day his friend told me Mark was going through an extremely difficult loss and needed prayer. A couple of donations later, Mark shared the grief he had been experiencing. I listened and committed to praying for him.

Mark and his friend came to my retirement party. When Dave passed away a year later, Mark showed up for the visitation. He checked in with me on New Year’s Day. He knew intimately how brutal the days are when everyone leaves and you are left alone in a quiet house.

We had coffee a few months later during Mark’s work break. I ordered coffee; he had hot chocolate. For three hours we talked and cried. Neither of us finished our drinks. Mark said when he returned to work, he had never felt so drained.

We didn't see one another again for a few months. We went out for coffee again. We didn’t consider it a date. Mark was a friend and a complete gentleman.

We agreed we were just hanging out. Mark is a marathoner and up to physical challenges. We climbed the Elba water tower, hiked Whitewater and Barn Bluff and did distant bike rides. And with everything we did, Mark continued to listen as I worked through my loss.

I asked if he was sure he wanted to hang out with a grieving widow. Mark said he had no reservations with helping a friend through a difficult time. I had done the same for him when he was going through his own loss.

One night when I was feeling so low it was unbearable, I stopped at Mark’s house and asked him if he wanted to get something to eat. We ran through the rain to a burger place close to where he lives.

That night something happened. We started laughing over something silly. It was the kind of laugh that makes your belly hurt. It felt so good. I realized I couldn’t remember the last time I had laughed like that… perhaps years.

I looked across the table and realized that I really liked this guy. He had become something more than just a friend. The next morning, I woke up to sunlight streaming through the window. I could hear the lyrics of Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles. I was feeling simple happiness for the first time in a very long time.

I can say the last year has been the best and the worst of times. I am still grieving. I realize I always will. I have waves of sadness every morning and wish I could talk to Dave. I miss him so very much.

Mark has been exceedingly kind. He says he will never tire of hearing about Dave. From everything he has heard, he knows Dave was an amazing man. He says he wishes he could have met him.

Mark and my relationship started out as friends helping one another through the journey of a deep loss.  But, along the way we discovered simple happiness which eventually became deep love and celebrative joy.

It seemed appropriate that Mark propose in the place we had become friends. On February 25 Mark and I donated platelets together. It was Mark's 499th donation. Afterwards in the refreshment area, Mark got down on one knee and said, “I have given my blood to 499 people, today I want to give you my heart. Will you marry me?”

Mark and I are starting a new chapter of our lives together. On June 1 we are getting married. We know all too well that time is precious with loved ones. We are going to savor every moment in what we hope will be many years ahead.

My mom was a widow and remarried when she was almost 80. She said something that at the time I thought was odd. She told me she was surprised that you can love two men at the same time. I get it now. My love for Dave will never change or be diminished, but I am humbled and blessed to be happy and love again.

Me with that blood donor, Mark J. Korinek.