It's not obvious at first when you are with my mom that she has dementia until you realize how often says "I've had such a good life!" Then she goes on to recount all the blessings she's had from the time she was a little girl.
Her gratitude with life is almost a muscle memory thing now. She seems to only remember the positive and has forgotten the hard things--even the grief she felt after losing two husbands.
Mom and Dad were happily married for 55 years. Three years after Dad passed away, Mom married Warren. She and Warren had four great years together.
I remember her missing Dad terribly after he was gone. She frequently touched his photo on the book shelf and would tell him she missed him.
Warren passed away with cancer during the peak of the Covid shutdown. It was a rough time to grieve alone. A few weeks after Warren's funeral, Mom ended up going to the ER with chest pains.
The requisite tests were done to see if Mom was having a heart attack. The doctor came in with the results. Her heart function had actually improved from the cardiac tests done a few months prior.
The doctor then took me to the side and said he thought something else was going on. "I think your mom has what's called broken heart syndrome." He explained that broken heart syndrome occurs when the heart muscle is suddenly stunned or weakened following severe emotional stress.
I know that broken heart syndrome is real after experiencing it the last months. I felt like a knife had been plunged into the center of my heart when I was told Dave was gone. Even now, I feel the ache and pressure at times.
A few weeks ago, I asked my mom what it was like losing two spouses. I don't know that I'll ever stop missing Dave, but maybe I can be like Shirley and have the muscle memory of gratitude.
No comments:
Post a Comment